A friend said this and I thought it was profound so I want to share it with all of you wonderful people.


If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ... then it's not love.. it's - Infatuation . . . If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love.. it's - compromise . . . If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out his touch .... then it's not love .. it's - lust . . . If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ... then it's not love.. it's - inferiority complex . . . If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's - charity . . . If you love some one because you share every thing with him ... then it's not love.. it's - friendship . . . but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him .. that's - LOVE . . . if you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets.. that's - LOVE . . . If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to.. that's - LOVE .

What to write? I have so many thoughts that I can't get them to come out of my mouth, but a pen or typing can create a much easier way of expressing my views. Also the more I write my thoughts the easier it is to speak them.

I want to write about love. I am reading a book called The Art of Loving by Erich From who is a psycho analysist about love (obviously!) But he hits on everything perfectly. He says love is an art. He talks about how one would learn an art and then relates that to love. He says in order to learn how to love one must learn the theory of love first. Fromm says there are five different kinds of love. He says that each one has its own unique way of showing love and in order to understand love one must understand each of these.
The first type of love Fromm talks about is brotherly love. This is loving mankind. He says in order to love with brotherly love you cannot love only one person but all people. If you say you love one person than you must love all the rest as well. The second kind of love is motherly love. Just as in brotherly love you cannot only love one child, but when loving with motherly love you must love all the children equally. Motherly love is unconditional which means it is supposed to love through everything. It is supposed to love enough that it is willing to let go. People don’t have to gain motherly love. It is given freely. The third love is erotic love. I know erotic sounds bad, but Fromm uses it to say romantic or sensual love. Fromm shows that most people are looking for this kind of love, but in the wrong way. This is the first love that is focused only on one person and not the whole of humanity. This one was a little confusing. Though this includes physical intimacy, that is not the only way of showing this type of love. Fromm also says that mental attraction does not reveal true love either. He says because physical attraction and personality connection can fade eventually you must will yourself to keep that love alive. Most people experience a emotional connection with strangers because they are new and exciting, but as the relationship progresses the novelty fades, and the relationship can become stagnant and even boring. This is the reason that so many relationships today are so short lived. People expect the immediate attraction and feeling to last forever even in difficult times, but this is just lying to yourself because feelings come and go. The fourth love that Fromm talks about is self love, not selfishness, but a respect and care towards yourself. Fromm says in order to love others, you must have a healthy love for who you are as well. He says that by loving others but not yourself is the just a different kind of selfishness. By loving yourself, you allow others to love you too while if you did not love yourself then it is almost as if you refuse to allow others to love you as well. Fromm shows this through an example of a mother who says she is unselfish and never thinks of herself, but at the same time does not love herself. He says that a mother that does not love herself is just as bad as a mother who is selfish because self love and selfishness are opposites. The fifth and last love he talks about is God’s love. He goes into deep discussion of how God has evolved over the centuries to get to the place he is now. He went through a time, according to Fromm , that he took the form of animals and nature then he had the characteristics of a mother then a father, and now as the world grows older god will become part of us. Though I don’t believe this he say that we will reach a point where we do not need to speak of god or even name his name because we have progressed far enough not to need to. All of these according to Fromm, we need to put into our lives so that we can find true love and become truly mature, full of self-knowledge, and courageous.
When learning an art you must also put it into practice. The same is true with love. But how do you put it into practice? This must be done through discipling, patience, and concentration according to Fromm. Everything Fromm said was very insightful and interesting, and though I did not agree with everything he said in the God’s love part, I believed he hit on some very important points about love that people today do not see or do not want to see. I think if people today began to look at love the way Erich Fromm looked at it there would be a lot less divorces and short term relationships today.

A Memory of Marah


Pretty words, pretty smile
Wishes, wonders, and heart beats

Can it be?

To be trustworthy forever is promised
Belief in words that are hidden

Can it be?

Trying to trust with all the heart
Questions and conscience slowly arise

Can it be?

Doubts surface and revealed is truth
Pain and wishes to return to before.

Can it be?

Hurt, it overwhelms with disgust
"Never again," I cry as I often have

Can it be?

Gentle is the Lord's rebuke over me
Over and under He spreads his wings

Can it be?

In Him, I will find true love
He will lead me faithfully forever.

Can it be?

To Him I will give my whole love
For in Him I can trust forever.

Yes is can be!

Secrets

Dear me, what to think? What to say?

Life is nothing more than an open book.

What will I write?

Will anyone read it?
Oh, the beauty of words!

They express beauty and pain

They are more than scratches of letters on a page.
True words!
Words of life!

The soul speaks but subtlety
Hide, hide away deeply
No one will read it!
But to live if no one read?
Hidden words
Lying words

You will never know
Truth or lies?
Will you read me?
With gentleness?
Ah no, ussually not!

You will hurt me
Not understand me
Not want to understand
Why?!

I give up!
Please be gentle
I will open my book
I will let you read

I have closed you out long enough

Please , come close
Accept my words
Accept me!

My question of the month/year is: is life worth living without dieing?
Can we truly live if we have not already died? As Angela put it.
So in Lit class we have read the Odyssey and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and Pere Gorio(sp). My first paper I wrote on the Odyssey was about virtues of the time period of the Odyssey which I discovered was power/courage, love, and deception. I thought, "Wow those are weird virtues." But then we read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and low and behold I discovered the same underlining virtues. Then in Pere Gorio yup you guessed it I also dicovered that these virtues stood strong. I was very confused and began to wonder if it was the same today. I began to look at people in the world around me to see if they too treasured love, power, and deception as much as we did in the past, and sure enough we do. Though we say we hate people who only want power or people who deceive we still praise them as a society. But then I began to realize these aren't really the center virtues. There is one much larger vitue that we live for and that is self preservation.
I will just leave you with that thought.

I want to tell everyone out there what I get to do for Psycology.
It is very fun.
I "have" to make five collages.
I love it!!!!

So far I have made one ages 6-11, 12-17, and 17-20.
It is a amazing how much you remember when you are made to.
I am not making physical collages that have old pictures and stuff,
but I am making an emotional collage.
How I looked at life at those ages. It is really hard.
But I think that is why I went backwards chronologically making these.
And that is why the 0-5 one is not done yet. I don't remember those years
very well. So that one may end up more physical not so emotional.

This is why I love school. I have wanted to do something like this for years, but never made the time.
Now I am "forced" to. School makes me do stuff I won't otherwise do.

I warned you not to get your hopes up on my writing consistantly.

Well... what has happened in Marie's life as of late?

We have started our HouseChurch again with alot of new people.
Claudia and Jonathan are from France and Stephanie is from Switzerland. It is really exciting to have to translate into Spanish and French in the same meeting.

The church has just got back from our annual retreat. It was really good. We talked about sanctification. How sanctification is a gift that God gives us, but we have to chose. Choose to except the gift. Choose to live life as God wills it.

Well I am tired and my head hurts so I can't think anymore to write.

I just finished Anne of Green Gables, and though I have read it many times before, this time it seemed funnier and more thought provoking than any other time. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am at the end of growing up and she was just beginning. Looking back on things always makes them more clear then when you are going through them. I can understand many of the ways she is feeling for I have felt them itensely. She says that growing up isn't as exciting as she expected, and I must agree. Growing up brings so many more questions. It proves what your parents have been telling you all your life that you will never know everything. It is really quite sad to think the older you get the less you will know, or maybe the right way to say that is the older you get the more you will know about the world and see how little you know about the world. I think that is confusing, but I am not sure how else to say it.

It seems like I am in a writing stage because I am writing a lot more than I ussually do. Don't expect this to become the norm. It will probably only last until the Immersion program starts then I will probably stop writing, but you never know.

I decided about a month or more ago that I am socially or relationally challenged. In a word : an introvert.
So since that revelation, I have been reading every relational book and asking every relational question there is to ask.
Right now Jennifer and I are reading Learning to Love People You Don't Like by Floyd McClung (good book).
But every chapter it seems to hit on something I am not doing right.

I like these kind of books becasue it makes me shrink inside and wish I was different. Then because I am open to change God seems to make everything in my life magnify this problem. Ok that was a little side trip but back to the main point.

One of the chapters we read last night was called Rules For Relationships. It was amazing. Here are the five "rules".

(1)Maintain an attitude of humility {being willing to be known for who we are and for what we have done rather than being superficial. (I am not very good at this.)}, Meekness {not insisting our way or pushing ourselves forward}, Patience {wait for others lovingly even when they are wrong}, Forbearance {help others when they are weak}.

(2)Speak the truth in love.
-speak the truth
-speak the truth in love
-only speak that which edifies
-get rid of the critical spirit

(3)Forgive those who sin and discipline those who do not repent of their sins.

(4)We belong to one another. There is one church.

(5)Be filled with the Spirit, worshiping the Lord, encouraging one another, and always giving thanks in everthing to God the Father.

These are hard things to do especially if we think in the flesh. Actually in the flesh they are impossible. We can't even imagine doing any of those things on our own because if we try, we will only fail and become depressed.
That is my problem many times. I want to be better than I am, and so I push myself and try to be someone I am not. This always ends in frustration and depression. I hate myself because I can't improve myself then God is so merciful. He suddenly reveals again that I am right I can't do it, but He can. He fixes my focus back on Him and everything is sunshiney from there ( until I take control again). I wish I could keep my focus constanly where I am happy, but sometimes I seem to enjoy gloom.
Welllll I am not sure why i wrote this but last night it hit exactly what I needed to hear so I thought all of you would like to hear it to. ( I am also trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and share pieces of my heart with people and it is easier to type my heart than to speak my heart.)

I am very proud of this paper. I wrote it in less than two hours, and I think its not bad.

Love is Forever?
Our eyes meet across the room. Nothing is said. Nothing is done. Yet for a brief moment we have connected. We understand each other. A silent message goes between us. A message that brings comfort. A message that brings pleasure. And a message that makes my heart jump and my stomach whirl. But in moment it is gone, and all I am left with is a memory. I try to conjure that feeling over and over again, but the memory supplies nothing but an empty ache. I have seen him before. In fact, I have seen him many times through out my life. Sometimes he has brown hair, sometimes green eyes. Other times he has blond hair and striking blue eyes that you could stare into for hours. There are times he is Hispanic, and times he is Asian. Many times I don’t know his name, but often I do. When our eyes meet, sometimes I let them linger knowing I will never see this set again, but many times I pull away hoping I was dreaming. Who is this changing man? He is just that: man.
This kind of experience is from where dreams come, books are written, songs are sung. This is love. Or at least this is what we have been told is love. But is this true love? What is true love? Sebastien R. N. Chamfort said, “Love, such as it is in society, is only the exchange of two fantasies, and the contact of two bodies.” Can this be true? “No, of course not“, we women would answer. Love is much more than that, right? Or can it be that society has change the meaning of the word love? Is the glance across the room and the small instant connection between two people love or is it in some small way just a “fantasy”?
The world is searching for one thing and that is true love and acceptance. We have decided as a society that love is selfish. Love is all about feeling good. When you tell someone you love them, what are you hoping for? Sex? Attention? Cuddles? Support? We never seem to tell someone we love them because we want to help the other person or supply them with what they need. We seem to be trying to fulfill our own desires and pleasures. But how long do these relationships last? Ten years? Five years? A month? A week? or even a minute? We are searching for fulfillment through the feeling of being in loved. We never seem to find it so we go from one partner to next hoping for better luck. Unfortunately, if we are trying to find the love like the story books, it is never going to happen.
According to Thomas A Kempis, “Love is swift, sincere, pious, pleasant, generous, strong, patient, faithful, prudent, long-suffering, manly, and never seeking her own; for wheresoever a man seekth his own, he falleth from love” A Kempis is saying that that if a man or woman loves selfishly then he or she is no longer loving. This can’t possibly be true, can it? I can tell myself that in deed I have loved everyone of those men or boys who I have had an attraction to, but then with everyone of them I can, in minutes, forget one and begin to “love” another. Is that love? Or could it be possible that what we as a society have been calling love is not love at all but only a strange emotional fantasy that will fade with time, and true love is indeed what A Kempis says it is? “Love is patience. Love is kind, and is not jealous. Love does not brag, and it is not arrogant. It does not act unbecomingly. It does not seek its own. It is not provoked. It does not take into account a wrong suffered. Love bears all thing, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.”

I forgot that I had set this blog to watch the comments and then today I discovered all of the wonderful comments people left me, and it makes me want to cry. (I can't though because I am at work, and I avoid crying at work. ) That really made my day.

I have been kind of down and tired and had a headache all day. One of those "nobody likes me, everybody hates me I am gona go and eat worms" days. Ohhh I have such good friends! I love you guys so much! Ahhh now I really going to cry. I better stop.

You Think English is Easy???
Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refusemore refuse .

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row .

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick" ?

I do it purposely so I can never be perdicted.
Sometimes I write one post right after each other sometimes it takes days, weeks, months, years ok so that is a little exagerated but you get the idea.


This little post is going to be written because I want to let everyone who reads this (which I think is Jennifer) how awesome God is.

How you can trust Him with everything even things you can't trust yourself with. He is pretty awesome.

So lately I have been trying to make a lot of decisions. Like whether I should keep working where I am or get a new job. And whether I want to lead HC. And a few others which are forbidden to be spoken of.

But God has been very present in my life during this time, and showing me how I need to trust completely in him. That these desisions have to made in his timing and his way or they will not happen. Actually Isaac just wrote about the HouseChurch thing on his blog, and it express the way I have been feeling very well. Its hard to know what to do when you know what would be the right thing to do, but really don't like that option. BUT God has a plan and if we follow that then all things will work out for good.

Yesterday we got back from the camping trip.
I love the camping trip! Every trip the times of being with my church family is just wonderful.
This trip Sacha and Mark Turek came. Mark and Mike have been friends since highschool. Mark was my principal back in Maryland. They are some of those people who may not live with us and are a part of another church in another state, but they are still a part of our church family. They always brings fresh energy and life to times of fellowship.
This trip Mike started the trip by talking about the future. The future of the church in general and the future of Immanuel Fellowship. That evening he talked about three traps that can keep people from becoming strong worker for the Kingdom.

1. Lack of faith He made the point that faith is spelled RISK. Without faith we can't press in and go on. There will be many times we feel like quitting, but it is through faith we push through. It is not just a step of faith, it is a journey of faith. Like Joseph had to have faith that the dreams he had would come true even when he was sold into slavery. Or like in Hinds Feet on High Places every part of the journey strengths Much-Afraids faith in the Sheperd. Many people want to be works but many only dream because they don't have the faith to take risks.
2. Choosing the wrong life partner This is something Mike talks about a lot. He has seen many people who would be strong workers become weak because of the wrong partner. Mike say the only way to truly know if a person is the right person is by God speaking. Over all just be causious. If a person has not had a solid walk for at least two years, there should not be a relationship. This is a very popular subject in singles' circles, but it is very much needed.
3. Failing to be a student of God's word God's word is the nourishment and guidence for our walk. Without God's word getting through check points is impossible. It is your life line.

The next morning Mark talk about suffering. Mark's wife has a servir case of MS and so he daily deals with suffering. He talked about how suffering is a sign of God's love. It is a way to make us mature. Life is about Him and suffering is about glorifying him.

The next morning Bill talked about spiritual parents. He talked about how we need spiritual parents to help us develope and grow. He also talked about how we need to be those parents to others. He said we need to find some one who is Faithful Available Teachable to invest in. Just like Paul told Timothy in 2 Timothy 2:1-2

It seemed like God was really speaking about perserverence and taking risks.

I have no idea what to write. I am very hyper! very hyper! I am very, very, very excited!!
Because two of my favorite people just got engaged!!! YEAH!!!!! I have been waiting for this for like a year.
And another two of my favorite people might have a new baby next time I see them which is later today!!
Excitement fills my bones!!

OK breath iiinnnn ooouuuttt iiinnn oouuuttt ooookkkk I feel better.

I am not sure why I am so hyper. I don't think I have had enough sleep the last couple nights so I am overly tired.
A bunch of us went to Pirate last night that was a lot of fun though I don't like this one as much as the first one, but oh well. I enjoy hanging out with friends.

I was hyper last night too. So I had some random girl talk on my friends cell phone to her sister in Texas. That was interesting. I want try it again.

Ok I am done rambling. bye

LIFE!!! What is life? A thousand roads a thousand ways where am I going?!
I wish I could just see in the future. Ok maybe not but could I have just a clue of what the next couple years are supposed to look like? PLEASE!!!
I don't even have options of what could happen. I guess this is where trust comes in.
I just have to take each step and let God take care of the bigger picture.
I LIKE TO BE IN CONTROL! or at least have some idea of whats going on.

I keep feeling like I am supossed to quit my job and do something else, but I need money so I can go on all my trips.
What about school? Am I supossed to be more comitted to school or should I just keep doing a couple classes a semester? What about HC? These are just a few of the questions that occupy my head these days. GOD!!! I don't understand.

Well...
I am trying again.
This is just going to be what a blog is supposed to be an online journal.
I am not going to tell anyone else about it, but if someone finds it great.
I can't promise how much I will write but you are welcome to read.
How boring of a first post can you get?!


Well about me:
I am 19-years-old. People call me many different things. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student, a disciple, a lifeguard, a co-worker, a teacher, a leader, and more specifically a mix of Japanese, French, German, and add a little Irish then a dash of English and you have my nationality. I have brown eyes and curly brown hair, but is this what defines me? Are these things what I want to be remembered as? What does it mean to be me?

Does being me mean I am only what other people see or am I more than that? Am I defined by my activities? Am I a world traveler because I enjoy traveling, or am I a swimmer because I swim for exercise? Am I chef because I sometimes I cook, or am I a Biblical scholar because I study the Bible? Is this who I am? These are somethings I enjoy and do often, but I believe that i am more that my activities and titles.

I grew up in a Christian home where we went to church every Sunday of my life. I can tell you Bible stories backwards and forwards because I have heard them all my life. Growing up we had Bible story tapes, Bible story books and Bible story videos. But when I was 12, I realized that my parents God needed either to become my God and not only theirs or I needed a new religion. So I began to study the Bible on my own. I searched for a faith I could call my own. I searched for something to define me. Even though I lived in a good, accepting family and belived in a God who the Bible shows loves and accepts you just the way you are, I still struggle with discovering who I am.

So maybe to define me you need to know what I am passionate about. I am passionate about my faith. I pray and worship passionately. I am passionate about nature and keeping its beauty natural. I passionately write stories and poems. I am passionate about other countries and learning their culture and language. I pasionately enjoy watching and getting to know people. All these things are a part of me, but not the essence of my being.

What is the essence of my being? The essence of my being is who I truly am. It is what is left after all my layers as the Buddhist would say. It is the part of me that most people will never see and sometimes it is even hidden from myself.