How can we be so blind!!!
How can we ignore the problems in the world?
We are so focused on perfection in our lives and living sinless lives here in the USA where we are safe and yet we ignore the true sin and hell that is going on in Africa and all over the world.
I am now watching a movie called Invisible Children http://www.invisiblechildren.com it is about the children in Uganda and other neighboring countries in Africa who are forced to become soldiers at the ages of 5 - 12. They are torchered not only physically but mentally and emotionally. They live their lives in constant fear. Hiding from the rebels and the government and anyone else who may bring more suffering to their already torn apart lives. This goes on all over the world and we sit in our nice homes, offices, churches, buildings talking about how we can take the gosple to the lost, but is what is the gosple? It is the good news! Who needs the good news more than these children? And since when has talking about strategies to reach the world worked! It takes doing it! Loving those who need to be loved. Being there for the hurting and broken. Stop talking!!! And get off your lazy buts America! Do something about it!! "Those who are given much are required much!" Or don't we listen to the Bible anymore?
26 April 2007
24 April 2007
Read the one before this first. :D
Through this time I began to pull back from the church and people cause that is what I do when I am contiplating something new in my life. When I am learning something new, I am not a normal girl. I need my space to think it through before I talk about it or it just sounds wrong and I can't express it well. So I began to pull back from everyone but Jennifer and so the whole church thinks I am going crazy and losing my faith and junk, and then suddenly this new kid appears in church named Gabriel. Well... according to his myspace he has a girlfriend and he is 17 years old. Sounds safe enough to try to be friends with a guy. So I started hanging out with him a lot and myspacing him and emailing him and come to find out this guy is really cool and fun to hang out with and stuph. Well... we are friends for awhile and surprise his myspace lied!!! His girlfriend and him had broke up like a couple months before I met him! And uh oh I liked him a lot!! But this later fact I ignored and decide ok well... maybe we will date and I can practice dating and see what its like and stuff. So we started in a relationship I will call either special friendship (Adam's) or friends with bennefits (Jennifer's and Jon's) cause at this time I was a part of internship where we won't supposed to date. Well... after awhile of this Gabe said don't you think we should talk to your parents. I was like ummm...no thats ok. But he insisted and so I agreed. But I also told him I was not ready to be commited to someone completely cause I was scared of that word, but he still wanted to go ahead with talking to my parents. Soooo... I decided I needed to talk to my mom first. We had talked a couple weeks before and I was like no I don't like him enough to get into a relationship, but after this talk she understood what was going on spiritually in my life and it helped her calm down (which seems to happen every time I talk to someone), but now I thought it would be good for us to talk again before he asked them to be in a relationship with me. I am not sure why but I thought it would smooth things over, but somehow it worked. Though my parents did not give us permission to date they really liked Gabe ( they didn't really know him before) So we continued as 'special friends' and the thought that in two months we would be official or whatever you want to call it.
But a couple weeks later (I must have drank to much coffee or something emotionally snapped in my head.) I was babysitting and I just had this extream fear bombard(sp?)me that Gabe was going to leave me and not really want me and junk like that. I really need to talk to someone, but Jennifer's phone was broken and Claudia was at a movie and I couldn't think of anyone elso but Gabriel. So reluctantly I text him to see where he was. He answered (of course he wonderful about that :) But when I didn't answer that, he call but I didn't answer his call either (yea I know the stereotipical girl response that I hate but hey sorry I was an emotional mess.) So he texted me and called me again and finally I answered. I told him something was wrong, but didn't want to talk about it over the phone. So we decide to meet after I finished babysitting.
We went to the prayerroom and I told him all my feelings of abandonment and that it was nothing he did cause it was all inside my head. And I cried a lot. (I hate crying in front of anyone and usually hold it in until I am alone.) But then after awhile of emotional time :/ I told Gabe I was ready to commit to him and I was tried of this 'special friends' thing. So we were already planning to get together with my parents that Saturday so we decided to tell them we couldn't honestly wait anymore. That went amazingly well and they were like ok well we want to talk to Gabriel's parents first and ask him a bit more questions. Then the next day Mike called my mom and they talked for a long time and he told her some of his concerns. Then my parents called Gabe's parents that night and asked them a lot of questions some concerning Mike's questions and concerns. And the next week my mom and I went out to coffee and though she still had some questions for Gabe she said after they quizzed him that night they would tell him we could enter into a relationship. I went away from that conversation walking on clouds and the happiest girl alive. And since then it has been a dream.
There is a lot I need to learn about relationship and junk but God is teaching me so much about his character through this relationship and about myself. He is showing me what it means to love and be loved. He is teaching me more and more about faith in people and him. He has given me a joy and happiness that I have never felt before ever!! (or al least that I can remember) He has given me this peace that no matter what happens he will take care of it and guide us through.
So that is Marie's life in nutshell from the last nine months to a year. I am so thankful to God for everything he is doing in my life and for friends like Jennifer and Jacque. And for my parents who are there to support us yet still ask the hard questions. Wow...that sounded like an acknowledgement thingy from a cd. :/
Through this time I began to pull back from the church and people cause that is what I do when I am contiplating something new in my life. When I am learning something new, I am not a normal girl. I need my space to think it through before I talk about it or it just sounds wrong and I can't express it well. So I began to pull back from everyone but Jennifer and so the whole church thinks I am going crazy and losing my faith and junk, and then suddenly this new kid appears in church named Gabriel. Well... according to his myspace he has a girlfriend and he is 17 years old. Sounds safe enough to try to be friends with a guy. So I started hanging out with him a lot and myspacing him and emailing him and come to find out this guy is really cool and fun to hang out with and stuph. Well... we are friends for awhile and surprise his myspace lied!!! His girlfriend and him had broke up like a couple months before I met him! And uh oh I liked him a lot!! But this later fact I ignored and decide ok well... maybe we will date and I can practice dating and see what its like and stuff. So we started in a relationship I will call either special friendship (Adam's) or friends with bennefits (Jennifer's and Jon's) cause at this time I was a part of internship where we won't supposed to date. Well... after awhile of this Gabe said don't you think we should talk to your parents. I was like ummm...no thats ok. But he insisted and so I agreed. But I also told him I was not ready to be commited to someone completely cause I was scared of that word, but he still wanted to go ahead with talking to my parents. Soooo... I decided I needed to talk to my mom first. We had talked a couple weeks before and I was like no I don't like him enough to get into a relationship, but after this talk she understood what was going on spiritually in my life and it helped her calm down (which seems to happen every time I talk to someone), but now I thought it would be good for us to talk again before he asked them to be in a relationship with me. I am not sure why but I thought it would smooth things over, but somehow it worked. Though my parents did not give us permission to date they really liked Gabe ( they didn't really know him before) So we continued as 'special friends' and the thought that in two months we would be official or whatever you want to call it.
But a couple weeks later (I must have drank to much coffee or something emotionally snapped in my head.) I was babysitting and I just had this extream fear bombard(sp?)me that Gabe was going to leave me and not really want me and junk like that. I really need to talk to someone, but Jennifer's phone was broken and Claudia was at a movie and I couldn't think of anyone elso but Gabriel. So reluctantly I text him to see where he was. He answered (of course he wonderful about that :) But when I didn't answer that, he call but I didn't answer his call either (yea I know the stereotipical girl response that I hate but hey sorry I was an emotional mess.) So he texted me and called me again and finally I answered. I told him something was wrong, but didn't want to talk about it over the phone. So we decide to meet after I finished babysitting.
We went to the prayerroom and I told him all my feelings of abandonment and that it was nothing he did cause it was all inside my head. And I cried a lot. (I hate crying in front of anyone and usually hold it in until I am alone.) But then after awhile of emotional time :/ I told Gabe I was ready to commit to him and I was tried of this 'special friends' thing. So we were already planning to get together with my parents that Saturday so we decided to tell them we couldn't honestly wait anymore. That went amazingly well and they were like ok well we want to talk to Gabriel's parents first and ask him a bit more questions. Then the next day Mike called my mom and they talked for a long time and he told her some of his concerns. Then my parents called Gabe's parents that night and asked them a lot of questions some concerning Mike's questions and concerns. And the next week my mom and I went out to coffee and though she still had some questions for Gabe she said after they quizzed him that night they would tell him we could enter into a relationship. I went away from that conversation walking on clouds and the happiest girl alive. And since then it has been a dream.
There is a lot I need to learn about relationship and junk but God is teaching me so much about his character through this relationship and about myself. He is showing me what it means to love and be loved. He is teaching me more and more about faith in people and him. He has given me a joy and happiness that I have never felt before ever!! (or al least that I can remember) He has given me this peace that no matter what happens he will take care of it and guide us through.
So that is Marie's life in nutshell from the last nine months to a year. I am so thankful to God for everything he is doing in my life and for friends like Jennifer and Jacque. And for my parents who are there to support us yet still ask the hard questions. Wow...that sounded like an acknowledgement thingy from a cd. :/
20 April 2007
Wow...
I was reading my journal yesterday during work and stuff cause... yeah.... I was kind of bored :P
And I was writing a 'my life in the last year' thingy in my journal ( which I didn't finish :/ ) but anywho...
A lot has happened in the last year! :O Like a lot. a lot *nods*
Like I haven't been out of the country since November. :O yeah...I know not normal for Marie! But the funny thing is I am ok with that at this point of my life... yeah... weird....
Another thing is I have been going through this time of questioning my convictions and even like my world veiw and stuff. Which is to say: I am wondering if everything I have believed is reallly someone else's belief and now I need to reexamen my life and change some stuff... and yeah stuff like is everything that I thought the church is really what she is suposssed to be? And yes our actions show where our heart is but which actions are a bad show and who decides that? And what if certain actions make some think you are falling away and others think you are drawing closer and you feel closer to God than you have ever felt? And why does the American church shut out anything that has the potential to hurt someone when pain and sorrow sometime strengthens us better than protection and isolation? And how could I be so dumb to see being a Christian as a person who was constantly struggling against sin when we have already concured(sp?) sin through Jesus? And why the heck have I never understood that the reason we are called Christians is because we are to follow Jesus aka. CHRIST only and not church leaders and peers? (not saying there is a time and a place to follow good Godly leaders. Like Joel said Saturday night, there is a time we need the examples and to want to be just like another person. But like Nancy Black said, it is all part of growing up to pull away from each of those head figures in our lives and learn how to live our lives as us.) And...yeah... so these are thoughts that have been flying through my head and then like I realized that a lot of these things all come down to one thing: What Would Jesus Do? (sorry for the cliches but it works :/ :) How would Jesus live this part of my life? How would Jesus respond to this? But these types of questions lead to more questions like. How do we know what Jesus would do? And my pastor/youth leader/parents/friends/whoever says that Jesus would do it this way but I don't see that in the Bible and I wonder if that is true? Then I realized WOOOOOH!! that is my problem. All those things don't really matter what matters is the heart. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus and you are living endrenched in his word and prayer, then he will teach you about those things. Live life as a river if you just let the river (Jesus) just guide you even in the rough times, you will be fine, but if you try to avoid the hard times or go back or take side trips things will take a lot longer and could become more difficult. This is going to be really long to I am going to cut it in to pieces. This is the first part. :D
I was reading my journal yesterday during work and stuff cause... yeah.... I was kind of bored :P
And I was writing a 'my life in the last year' thingy in my journal ( which I didn't finish :/ ) but anywho...
A lot has happened in the last year! :O Like a lot. a lot *nods*
Like I haven't been out of the country since November. :O yeah...I know not normal for Marie! But the funny thing is I am ok with that at this point of my life... yeah... weird....
Another thing is I have been going through this time of questioning my convictions and even like my world veiw and stuff. Which is to say: I am wondering if everything I have believed is reallly someone else's belief and now I need to reexamen my life and change some stuff... and yeah stuff like is everything that I thought the church is really what she is suposssed to be? And yes our actions show where our heart is but which actions are a bad show and who decides that? And what if certain actions make some think you are falling away and others think you are drawing closer and you feel closer to God than you have ever felt? And why does the American church shut out anything that has the potential to hurt someone when pain and sorrow sometime strengthens us better than protection and isolation? And how could I be so dumb to see being a Christian as a person who was constantly struggling against sin when we have already concured(sp?) sin through Jesus? And why the heck have I never understood that the reason we are called Christians is because we are to follow Jesus aka. CHRIST only and not church leaders and peers? (not saying there is a time and a place to follow good Godly leaders. Like Joel said Saturday night, there is a time we need the examples and to want to be just like another person. But like Nancy Black said, it is all part of growing up to pull away from each of those head figures in our lives and learn how to live our lives as us.) And...yeah... so these are thoughts that have been flying through my head and then like I realized that a lot of these things all come down to one thing: What Would Jesus Do? (sorry for the cliches but it works :/ :) How would Jesus live this part of my life? How would Jesus respond to this? But these types of questions lead to more questions like. How do we know what Jesus would do? And my pastor/youth leader/parents/friends/whoever says that Jesus would do it this way but I don't see that in the Bible and I wonder if that is true? Then I realized WOOOOOH!! that is my problem. All those things don't really matter what matters is the heart. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus and you are living endrenched in his word and prayer, then he will teach you about those things. Live life as a river if you just let the river (Jesus) just guide you even in the rough times, you will be fine, but if you try to avoid the hard times or go back or take side trips things will take a lot longer and could become more difficult. This is going to be really long to I am going to cut it in to pieces. This is the first part. :D
09 April 2007
Life, Love, AND, Faith
Amaze me!
I dare you!
I have said it before --
maybe I will say it again?
maybe not.
Life--
Love... they go together...
But missing...
What?
Faith... trust... Confidence...
WOW!
Hard stuff...
But...
important.
Ha ha... it worked
understand?
Of course not....
Another thing written in a class this semester but I am not sure when.
Amaze me!
I dare you!
I have said it before --
maybe I will say it again?
maybe not.
Life--
Love... they go together...
But missing...
What?
Faith... trust... Confidence...
WOW!
Hard stuff...
But...
important.
Ha ha... it worked
understand?
Of course not....
Another thing written in a class this semester but I am not sure when.
Life...
Augh!
Friends...
Huh?
Family...
Oh my.
God...
Help!
Life...
Good Bye
HAahaahaa
take it all with laughter, or tears will flow, if not then desperation and hopelessness, but laughter will hide the pain unfortunately not remove it. Ah life why is your sting worst than death's?
I wrote this in class in January.
Augh!
Friends...
Huh?
Family...
Oh my.
God...
Help!
Life...
Good Bye
HAahaahaa
take it all with laughter, or tears will flow, if not then desperation and hopelessness, but laughter will hide the pain unfortunately not remove it. Ah life why is your sting worst than death's?
I wrote this in class in January.
Love? Friends, Please! Fear.... Commitment... terror. Why?
Can't! Won't! Anguish....
Short not long... play... flirt... test....
One month... two months... six months... a year -- stop!
no longer! not yet... please
Oh death... oh pain.... forever
Friends ... we've become.
Friends ... let us stay
So this is another class thingy from a few months ago.
Can't! Won't! Anguish....
Short not long... play... flirt... test....
One month... two months... six months... a year -- stop!
no longer! not yet... please
Oh death... oh pain.... forever
Friends ... we've become.
Friends ... let us stay
So this is another class thingy from a few months ago.
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