Sooooo.... I haven't posted in a bit.... I guess since Gabe and I started dating ... kind of sort of ... and since then a LOT!!! has happened in my life. Like a TON literally!

Ok so maybe not a lot but one big thing which changes bunches of other little ones and then one little one.

So I will start with the little one. I got my "first real job" (as Joel would say) I am now working at a bank in Frisco which I think I am really going to enjoy once I get past the training.... I have been working there now for like two or three weeks and it has only been web based training! YUCK!!! It kills you after like five hours of staring at computer and stuffing your head full of bank info. But I really like all the people I work with. It is all girls (which means lots of chocolate :D :P) and they are all lots of fun to be around. I think I am going to enjoy the work and the customers as well. So that is my new little piece of news in my life. :D

The other one that changes bunches of little things is a bit more surprising ...... soooo..... I will tell you the likkle changes firth... :P I have moved to a house in Frisco...which is nice.... I have a new P.O. Box ... (which if you want it text me of call me or sumtin) I may be getting a new phone number but I will let you know on that.... ummmm... what else has changed???? Oh, I have a new name.... sooooo... yeah.. you probably figured it out already but... Gabriel and I got married on June first so in five days we will be married a month!!! (By the way my new name in Marie Christine Hipple) It has been an interesting almost month trying to keep it quiet at first so I could tell certan people but then it got and everybady seemed to hear about it so now I don't know who needs to be told and who doesn't....sooo.... if you hadn't heard yet... I AM SOO SORRY or if you heard from someone else I AM also SOO SORRY!!!! But yeah that is my big news. :D (awkward :P)

Bored, bored , bored, bored!
Ummmmmmmm............
I don't know what to write...
I am bored!
Cause it is Saturday and I am not working and I am waiting for my mother to finish sometin and then we are going to coffee....
BUT right now I am sitting in the house waiting and waiting...
I woke up too early this morning :/
On days I don't have anything to do until the afternoon I am supossed to sleep late so I don't just sit around the house for hours on end with nothing to do!!! Cause yeah I am BORED!
Idea I will make a Kefer shake if I can find some fruit and ice :/
Cause the Kefer is still warm...
Oh well I will make some anyway... its better than snacking on stuff....
Wellllll... so.... yeah..... :D

How can we be so blind!!!
How can we ignore the problems in the world?
We are so focused on perfection in our lives and living sinless lives here in the USA where we are safe and yet we ignore the true sin and hell that is going on in Africa and all over the world.
I am now watching a movie called Invisible Children http://www.invisiblechildren.com it is about the children in Uganda and other neighboring countries in Africa who are forced to become soldiers at the ages of 5 - 12. They are torchered not only physically but mentally and emotionally. They live their lives in constant fear. Hiding from the rebels and the government and anyone else who may bring more suffering to their already torn apart lives. This goes on all over the world and we sit in our nice homes, offices, churches, buildings talking about how we can take the gosple to the lost, but is what is the gosple? It is the good news! Who needs the good news more than these children? And since when has talking about strategies to reach the world worked! It takes doing it! Loving those who need to be loved. Being there for the hurting and broken. Stop talking!!! And get off your lazy buts America! Do something about it!! "Those who are given much are required much!" Or don't we listen to the Bible anymore?

Read the one before this first. :D


Through this time I began to pull back from the church and people cause that is what I do when I am contiplating something new in my life. When I am learning something new, I am not a normal girl. I need my space to think it through before I talk about it or it just sounds wrong and I can't express it well. So I began to pull back from everyone but Jennifer and so the whole church thinks I am going crazy and losing my faith and junk, and then suddenly this new kid appears in church named Gabriel. Well... according to his myspace he has a girlfriend and he is 17 years old. Sounds safe enough to try to be friends with a guy. So I started hanging out with him a lot and myspacing him and emailing him and come to find out this guy is really cool and fun to hang out with and stuph. Well... we are friends for awhile and surprise his myspace lied!!! His girlfriend and him had broke up like a couple months before I met him! And uh oh I liked him a lot!! But this later fact I ignored and decide ok well... maybe we will date and I can practice dating and see what its like and stuff. So we started in a relationship I will call either special friendship (Adam's) or friends with bennefits (Jennifer's and Jon's) cause at this time I was a part of internship where we won't supposed to date. Well... after awhile of this Gabe said don't you think we should talk to your parents. I was like ummm...no thats ok. But he insisted and so I agreed. But I also told him I was not ready to be commited to someone completely cause I was scared of that word, but he still wanted to go ahead with talking to my parents. Soooo... I decided I needed to talk to my mom first. We had talked a couple weeks before and I was like no I don't like him enough to get into a relationship, but after this talk she understood what was going on spiritually in my life and it helped her calm down (which seems to happen every time I talk to someone), but now I thought it would be good for us to talk again before he asked them to be in a relationship with me. I am not sure why but I thought it would smooth things over, but somehow it worked. Though my parents did not give us permission to date they really liked Gabe ( they didn't really know him before) So we continued as 'special friends' and the thought that in two months we would be official or whatever you want to call it.
But a couple weeks later (I must have drank to much coffee or something emotionally snapped in my head.) I was babysitting and I just had this extream fear bombard(sp?)me that Gabe was going to leave me and not really want me and junk like that. I really need to talk to someone, but Jennifer's phone was broken and Claudia was at a movie and I couldn't think of anyone elso but Gabriel. So reluctantly I text him to see where he was. He answered (of course he wonderful about that :) But when I didn't answer that, he call but I didn't answer his call either (yea I know the stereotipical girl response that I hate but hey sorry I was an emotional mess.) So he texted me and called me again and finally I answered. I told him something was wrong, but didn't want to talk about it over the phone. So we decide to meet after I finished babysitting.
We went to the prayerroom and I told him all my feelings of abandonment and that it was nothing he did cause it was all inside my head. And I cried a lot. (I hate crying in front of anyone and usually hold it in until I am alone.) But then after awhile of emotional time :/ I told Gabe I was ready to commit to him and I was tried of this 'special friends' thing. So we were already planning to get together with my parents that Saturday so we decided to tell them we couldn't honestly wait anymore. That went amazingly well and they were like ok well we want to talk to Gabriel's parents first and ask him a bit more questions. Then the next day Mike called my mom and they talked for a long time and he told her some of his concerns. Then my parents called Gabe's parents that night and asked them a lot of questions some concerning Mike's questions and concerns. And the next week my mom and I went out to coffee and though she still had some questions for Gabe she said after they quizzed him that night they would tell him we could enter into a relationship. I went away from that conversation walking on clouds and the happiest girl alive. And since then it has been a dream.
There is a lot I need to learn about relationship and junk but God is teaching me so much about his character through this relationship and about myself. He is showing me what it means to love and be loved. He is teaching me more and more about faith in people and him. He has given me a joy and happiness that I have never felt before ever!! (or al least that I can remember) He has given me this peace that no matter what happens he will take care of it and guide us through.
So that is Marie's life in nutshell from the last nine months to a year. I am so thankful to God for everything he is doing in my life and for friends like Jennifer and Jacque. And for my parents who are there to support us yet still ask the hard questions. Wow...that sounded like an acknowledgement thingy from a cd. :/

Wow...

I was reading my journal yesterday during work and stuff cause... yeah.... I was kind of bored :P
And I was writing a 'my life in the last year' thingy in my journal ( which I didn't finish :/ ) but anywho...
A lot has happened in the last year! :O Like a lot. a lot *nods*
Like I haven't been out of the country since November. :O yeah...I know not normal for Marie! But the funny thing is I am ok with that at this point of my life... yeah... weird....

Another thing is I have been going through this time of questioning my convictions and even like my world veiw and stuff. Which is to say: I am wondering if everything I have believed is reallly someone else's belief and now I need to reexamen my life and change some stuff... and yeah stuff like is everything that I thought the church is really what she is suposssed to be? And yes our actions show where our heart is but which actions are a bad show and who decides that? And what if certain actions make some think you are falling away and others think you are drawing closer and you feel closer to God than you have ever felt? And why does the American church shut out anything that has the potential to hurt someone when pain and sorrow sometime strengthens us better than protection and isolation? And how could I be so dumb to see being a Christian as a person who was constantly struggling against sin when we have already concured(sp?) sin through Jesus? And why the heck have I never understood that the reason we are called Christians is because we are to follow Jesus aka. CHRIST only and not church leaders and peers? (not saying there is a time and a place to follow good Godly leaders. Like Joel said Saturday night, there is a time we need the examples and to want to be just like another person. But like Nancy Black said, it is all part of growing up to pull away from each of those head figures in our lives and learn how to live our lives as us.) And...yeah... so these are thoughts that have been flying through my head and then like I realized that a lot of these things all come down to one thing: What Would Jesus Do? (sorry for the cliches but it works :/ :) How would Jesus live this part of my life? How would Jesus respond to this? But these types of questions lead to more questions like. How do we know what Jesus would do? And my pastor/youth leader/parents/friends/whoever says that Jesus would do it this way but I don't see that in the Bible and I wonder if that is true? Then I realized WOOOOOH!! that is my problem. All those things don't really matter what matters is the heart. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus and you are living endrenched in his word and prayer, then he will teach you about those things. Live life as a river if you just let the river (Jesus) just guide you even in the rough times, you will be fine, but if you try to avoid the hard times or go back or take side trips things will take a lot longer and could become more difficult. This is going to be really long to I am going to cut it in to pieces. This is the first part. :D

Life, Love, AND, Faith

Amaze me!
I dare you!

I have said it before --
maybe I will say it again?
maybe not.

Life--
Love... they go together...
But missing...
What?

Faith... trust... Confidence...
WOW!
Hard stuff...
But...
important.

Ha ha... it worked
understand?
Of course not....

Another thing written in a class this semester but I am not sure when.

Life...
Augh!

Friends...
Huh?

Family...
Oh my.

God...
Help!

Life...
Good Bye

HAahaahaa
take it all with laughter, or tears will flow, if not then desperation and hopelessness, but laughter will hide the pain unfortunately not remove it. Ah life why is your sting worst than death's?

I wrote this in class in January.

Hatred - ugly - over this.
Anger
...done...finish...over...never...forever.
Make me see
Reveal the truth
Maybe...
I will believe
...maybe

Hurt - why? - free when?
Not by you!
You...
Nothing! Gone!
Annoyed...frustration...
Love - beauty - the same.
*sigh*



And yet another :D

Touch me, please
Hold me tight.
Never let go.

Sadness...
to close...
BUT
so nice...
Sadness...

Back away.
Just a little
It may return.

You guessed it another in class emotion explosion on paper.

Love? Friends, Please! Fear.... Commitment... terror. Why?
Can't! Won't! Anguish....
Short not long... play... flirt... test....
One month... two months... six months... a year -- stop!
no longer! not yet... please
Oh death... oh pain.... forever

Friends ... we've become.
Friends ... let us stay


So this is another class thingy from a few months ago.

This is a poem from the book called a Beautiful Mess about the Kingdom of God that I am reading. It is absolutely amazing!

When my brothers were too young be wise

When my brothers were too young to be wise

but too old to name things creatively,

they invented a game called:

Let's take turns jumping off Tom's roof

and throw the cat after the person who jumped

At least they took turns...

Later, when my brother were too young to be wise

but old enough to put their scientific knowledge to use,

they played a game called:

Let's pour gas over this giant pile weeds

and then light it on fire.

At least the doctor said

that their eyebrows will grow back...

Later, when my brother was old enough to be depressed

but too young to know how to cope,

he would play a game called:

Let's go to Tom's house and do a lot of drugs

and drink all his step-dad's beer.

At least there was that one English teacher

who asked if something was wrong...

but what could you say?

We are so poorly equipped to deal with these troubles,

and there are so few doctors of soul these days...

What is there to do?

I know some people who fight it all their lives,

kicking against the goads till they bleed to death.

Others, like Dad, ignore it,

thinking that hard work, sunshine, and

the passing of time will resolve it.

Still others, like Mom, ostracize and cast blame

by leaving condemnatory evangelical polemics taped

to your bathroom mirror.

But now my brothers and I old enough

to begin to be wise,

yet still young enough to climb the cold roof

to talk and to smoke.

So I will play a new game with you called:

Let's go together and bear one another's burdens.

At least I will not laugh at your pain,

I will not try to fix your problems,

I will not ignore your suffering

or condemn you with my piety...

I will simply lie here next to you in the cold

while we breathe our smoky prayer to God.

~Raeben Nolan

This is a poem from a book I am reading for twentysomethings.
It is by an unknown author.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant repy.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which i can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I 'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I am weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God,"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed , then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead,a nd cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--But, you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You 'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never xperience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit decends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save ... (for a start),
But you'd know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when I walk without sight ,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for Thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT."

So I have been thinking about my generation a lot. And how we are different from previous generations and how is the best way to influence this generation. So I thought you know this generation is a transitional generation. We are right between when there was no technology and now it is all over the place. Because of this we have a different look on life then previous generations just like every new generation. We see everything with skepticism and distrust. We ache for friendship, but even friendships are made with caution, and we always leave a way out.
Life doesn't really mean anything to us. We go through life with the attitude "What ever happens, happens. We expect to get hurt so we put up walls and look out for number one all the while trying to have fun. We have observed how other generations have searched for meaning, and we watched them fail. We know that pleasure, work, family, religion, politics, friends, and everything else previous generations have depended on doesn't work. Our philosophy is if we live life protecting ourselves and having fun we won't get hurt to badly, and we will have fun along the way.
We despise anything or anyone who says they have the answers because we are not looking for 'the answers'. We are looking for truth. Something we can put our faith in that won't prove to be a lie like everything else. Something that is our not our parent's, or even our older brothers and sisters, or our pastor's/youth pastor's but ours. We aren't willing to just take what others tell us is true. We need to discover it for ourselves.
Yes, I believe there is a revolution/revival coming because we are ready, but it won't be like anything the church has ever seen. This is a new generation so we need a new wine skin. We won't be able to use the technics from the Jesus Movement or the Great Awakening or any other revival in history. I am not sure what this will look like or when we will discover it, but it will fit tis generation and its need.
Don't be blind to the pains of this genereation. It needs a comforting, gentle, personal gosple that is not afraid of telling the truth or has the appearance of obligation. The Good News need to have life. True life flowing out of it not just rules or the appearance of perfection. This generation needs to see people like them who hurt, cry, hate, desire death, want freedom, are confused, MUST I GO ON? This generation isn't looking for perfection. They are looking for reallity, and through being real with our problem and struggles we can show the world that there is hope and relief. We must tell the world the truth. Freedom doesn't come without a price like so many Christians claim. True salvation cost everything!
So to reach this generation, we need to stop caring so much about reaching them, and start caring for them as people who hurt, who bleed, who are searching, who want friends, true friend who don't hide behind masks. It is by living like Jesus with love and acceptance of each individual, and showing them that you care about what is going on deeper than the surface appearence. Showing them that you are going to love them no matter what they do or say.
Jesus didn't hide anything. He didn't use little booklets or cute phrases. He was just himself. He said strong, convicting things not out of obligation but because he loved them. He hung out with people not to get a convert but because he was having fun. He didn't hang out with the 'religious people'. He hung out with the messed up, hurting, poor, loud, obnoxious, selfish people. He was patient and understanding towards everyone except the religious leaders. Those who found their identity in how good they were. Those who were blind to their own mistakes.
So what does this have to do with this generation, our generation? I am not completely sure, Maybe just that we need to get rid of the idea that Christians have to always end up perfect. The idea that inorder to reach the world we have to be drastically different. To be honest, I think in order to reach our generation, we have to be ourselves in whatever that means. We can't live trying to please others, Christians or non-Christians because people see through that. Live as Jesus would have YOU live not your best friend, not your mom, not your dad, not your pastor/youth leader, YOU! Study the Bible on your own. Discover your own truths because only then can you truly live. And only when you are truly living can you show life to our generation.
So these are just a few of the thoughts that have been racing, then sitting, then slowly meandering through my mind. There are many more but they haven't found there way on to paper yet. :)

Want My Body?
Dedicated to all the guys who stare at girls

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With these beautiful lips
With these beautiful hips
Am I the kind of girl that you play?
Am I the kind of girl that you get your way?

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With these beautiful eyes
With these beautiful thighs
You thinkin I'm an easy catch
I got news for you, you ain't no match

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful chin
With this beautiful skin
Thinkin all ya need is just one kiss
But in reallity I think you'll miss

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful booty
With these beautiful boobies
If thats all ya see that all ya get
Don't ask for more cause you won't be touchin it.

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful style
With this beautiful smile
You think its a privledge just for you
Look past the eyes, I'm mockin, its true

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful hair
Thinkin I must beautiful when I'm bare
Just keep dreamin my little friends
Cause men like you, their fantazy never ends.

Another thing from a friend and I don't think he speaks perfect English so excuse the grammar and spelling.
I tried to fix some of it but I really didn't fix it all.
Read it gently trying to gain some truths for life.

Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all people.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their own story.
Avoid the loud and aggressive person, they are a vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser people than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Stay interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery, but let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many people strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
Whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
(Max Ehrmann)

How do you measure sucess or failure?

Life is full of times to succeed and times to fail, but how you look at them will determine who you are in your eyes and the world's eyes (if that really matters.) If you see one time of failure as defining you as a failure then you will never succeed, but if you see those isolated times of failure as times to grow then you will never be a failure.

Wow another year has come and gone.
I don't know about you but every year the next one comes faster than the last maybe it has something to do with getting older.
This year has been an amazing and puzzling, beautiful and tainted, enlightening and confusing, full of discoveries and new ideas and returning to the basics.
I feel like I am on the verge of discovering something about me and who I am that I never realized before. I have been pushed out of my comfort zone (again) and forced to ask questions that a couple years ago I would have never considered asking. I know in the end this will strengthen who I am as a person and as a Christian, but right now it feels like I am running through a maze with no way out.
I am beginning to see a different side to the world. I took a class this year on Comparative Religions which made me look at the other religions of the world. It made me ask questions, but then strengthened my faith through my questioning.
God has been opening doors to new relationships whether from people at work to people I met on the bus while doing surveys. He is really pushing me out of being an extream introvert to trying new relationships and social activities.
He has strengthened my love and heart for Saint-Germain-en-Laye. He has really made it a place I... I am not sure how to express it, but the best way I can put it into words is that it is like being in love. I think and pray for SGEL constantly. I can't get it off my mind. I love talking about it. Seeing pictures almost make me cry. I can't think of it without smiling and getting excited. God is amazing!
His word is becoming more and more a part of my daily need and not something I am supposed to read. He has been showing me the importance of spending time set aside for just being in His presence. Six of us made a vow this year for 70 days to do 70 mins a day to spend in God's presence. There have been days were the time goes really slow and its hard to focus but there are also those times when God really meets me and 70 minutes is not longer enough time.
Like I said before its been a contrasting year. Nothing seems to be staying the same. Everything is changing and it has to or else life would get stagnent.