A friend said this and I thought it was profound so I want to share it with all of you wonderful people.
If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ... then it's not love.. it's - Infatuation . . . If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love.. it's - compromise . . . If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out his touch .... then it's not love .. it's - lust . . . If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ... then it's not love.. it's - inferiority complex . . . If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's - charity . . . If you love some one because you share every thing with him ... then it's not love.. it's - friendship . . . but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him .. that's - LOVE . . . if you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets.. that's - LOVE . . . If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to.. that's - LOVE .
12 December 2006
06 December 2006
What to write? I have so many thoughts that I can't get them to come out of my mouth, but a pen or typing can create a much easier way of expressing my views. Also the more I write my thoughts the easier it is to speak them.
I want to write about love. I am reading a book called The Art of Loving by Erich From who is a psycho analysist about love (obviously!) But he hits on everything perfectly. He says love is an art. He talks about how one would learn an art and then relates that to love. He says in order to learn how to love one must learn the theory of love first. Fromm says there are five different kinds of love. He says that each one has its own unique way of showing love and in order to understand love one must understand each of these.
The first type of love Fromm talks about is brotherly love. This is loving mankind. He says in order to love with brotherly love you cannot love only one person but all people. If you say you love one person than you must love all the rest as well. The second kind of love is motherly love. Just as in brotherly love you cannot only love one child, but when loving with motherly love you must love all the children equally. Motherly love is unconditional which means it is supposed to love through everything. It is supposed to love enough that it is willing to let go. People don’t have to gain motherly love. It is given freely. The third love is erotic love. I know erotic sounds bad, but Fromm uses it to say romantic or sensual love. Fromm shows that most people are looking for this kind of love, but in the wrong way. This is the first love that is focused only on one person and not the whole of humanity. This one was a little confusing. Though this includes physical intimacy, that is not the only way of showing this type of love. Fromm also says that mental attraction does not reveal true love either. He says because physical attraction and personality connection can fade eventually you must will yourself to keep that love alive. Most people experience a emotional connection with strangers because they are new and exciting, but as the relationship progresses the novelty fades, and the relationship can become stagnant and even boring. This is the reason that so many relationships today are so short lived. People expect the immediate attraction and feeling to last forever even in difficult times, but this is just lying to yourself because feelings come and go. The fourth love that Fromm talks about is self love, not selfishness, but a respect and care towards yourself. Fromm says in order to love others, you must have a healthy love for who you are as well. He says that by loving others but not yourself is the just a different kind of selfishness. By loving yourself, you allow others to love you too while if you did not love yourself then it is almost as if you refuse to allow others to love you as well. Fromm shows this through an example of a mother who says she is unselfish and never thinks of herself, but at the same time does not love herself. He says that a mother that does not love herself is just as bad as a mother who is selfish because self love and selfishness are opposites. The fifth and last love he talks about is God’s love. He goes into deep discussion of how God has evolved over the centuries to get to the place he is now. He went through a time, according to Fromm , that he took the form of animals and nature then he had the characteristics of a mother then a father, and now as the world grows older god will become part of us. Though I don’t believe this he say that we will reach a point where we do not need to speak of god or even name his name because we have progressed far enough not to need to. All of these according to Fromm, we need to put into our lives so that we can find true love and become truly mature, full of self-knowledge, and courageous.
When learning an art you must also put it into practice. The same is true with love. But how do you put it into practice? This must be done through discipling, patience, and concentration according to Fromm. Everything Fromm said was very insightful and interesting, and though I did not agree with everything he said in the God’s love part, I believed he hit on some very important points about love that people today do not see or do not want to see. I think if people today began to look at love the way Erich Fromm looked at it there would be a lot less divorces and short term relationships today.
I want to write about love. I am reading a book called The Art of Loving by Erich From who is a psycho analysist about love (obviously!) But he hits on everything perfectly. He says love is an art. He talks about how one would learn an art and then relates that to love. He says in order to learn how to love one must learn the theory of love first. Fromm says there are five different kinds of love. He says that each one has its own unique way of showing love and in order to understand love one must understand each of these.
The first type of love Fromm talks about is brotherly love. This is loving mankind. He says in order to love with brotherly love you cannot love only one person but all people. If you say you love one person than you must love all the rest as well. The second kind of love is motherly love. Just as in brotherly love you cannot only love one child, but when loving with motherly love you must love all the children equally. Motherly love is unconditional which means it is supposed to love through everything. It is supposed to love enough that it is willing to let go. People don’t have to gain motherly love. It is given freely. The third love is erotic love. I know erotic sounds bad, but Fromm uses it to say romantic or sensual love. Fromm shows that most people are looking for this kind of love, but in the wrong way. This is the first love that is focused only on one person and not the whole of humanity. This one was a little confusing. Though this includes physical intimacy, that is not the only way of showing this type of love. Fromm also says that mental attraction does not reveal true love either. He says because physical attraction and personality connection can fade eventually you must will yourself to keep that love alive. Most people experience a emotional connection with strangers because they are new and exciting, but as the relationship progresses the novelty fades, and the relationship can become stagnant and even boring. This is the reason that so many relationships today are so short lived. People expect the immediate attraction and feeling to last forever even in difficult times, but this is just lying to yourself because feelings come and go. The fourth love that Fromm talks about is self love, not selfishness, but a respect and care towards yourself. Fromm says in order to love others, you must have a healthy love for who you are as well. He says that by loving others but not yourself is the just a different kind of selfishness. By loving yourself, you allow others to love you too while if you did not love yourself then it is almost as if you refuse to allow others to love you as well. Fromm shows this through an example of a mother who says she is unselfish and never thinks of herself, but at the same time does not love herself. He says that a mother that does not love herself is just as bad as a mother who is selfish because self love and selfishness are opposites. The fifth and last love he talks about is God’s love. He goes into deep discussion of how God has evolved over the centuries to get to the place he is now. He went through a time, according to Fromm , that he took the form of animals and nature then he had the characteristics of a mother then a father, and now as the world grows older god will become part of us. Though I don’t believe this he say that we will reach a point where we do not need to speak of god or even name his name because we have progressed far enough not to need to. All of these according to Fromm, we need to put into our lives so that we can find true love and become truly mature, full of self-knowledge, and courageous.
When learning an art you must also put it into practice. The same is true with love. But how do you put it into practice? This must be done through discipling, patience, and concentration according to Fromm. Everything Fromm said was very insightful and interesting, and though I did not agree with everything he said in the God’s love part, I believed he hit on some very important points about love that people today do not see or do not want to see. I think if people today began to look at love the way Erich Fromm looked at it there would be a lot less divorces and short term relationships today.
01 December 2006
A Memory of Marah
Pretty words, pretty smile
Wishes, wonders, and heart beats
Can it be?
To be trustworthy forever is promised
Belief in words that are hidden
Can it be?
Trying to trust with all the heart
Questions and conscience slowly arise
Can it be?
Doubts surface and revealed is truth
Pain and wishes to return to before.
Can it be?
Hurt, it overwhelms with disgust
"Never again," I cry as I often have
Can it be?
Gentle is the Lord's rebuke over me
Over and under He spreads his wings
Can it be?
In Him, I will find true love
He will lead me faithfully forever.
Can it be?
To Him I will give my whole love
For in Him I can trust forever.
Yes is can be!
Pretty words, pretty smile
Wishes, wonders, and heart beats
Can it be?
To be trustworthy forever is promised
Belief in words that are hidden
Can it be?
Trying to trust with all the heart
Questions and conscience slowly arise
Can it be?
Doubts surface and revealed is truth
Pain and wishes to return to before.
Can it be?
Hurt, it overwhelms with disgust
"Never again," I cry as I often have
Can it be?
Gentle is the Lord's rebuke over me
Over and under He spreads his wings
Can it be?
In Him, I will find true love
He will lead me faithfully forever.
Can it be?
To Him I will give my whole love
For in Him I can trust forever.
Yes is can be!
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