Wow...

I was reading my journal yesterday during work and stuff cause... yeah.... I was kind of bored :P
And I was writing a 'my life in the last year' thingy in my journal ( which I didn't finish :/ ) but anywho...
A lot has happened in the last year! :O Like a lot. a lot *nods*
Like I haven't been out of the country since November. :O yeah...I know not normal for Marie! But the funny thing is I am ok with that at this point of my life... yeah... weird....

Another thing is I have been going through this time of questioning my convictions and even like my world veiw and stuff. Which is to say: I am wondering if everything I have believed is reallly someone else's belief and now I need to reexamen my life and change some stuff... and yeah stuff like is everything that I thought the church is really what she is suposssed to be? And yes our actions show where our heart is but which actions are a bad show and who decides that? And what if certain actions make some think you are falling away and others think you are drawing closer and you feel closer to God than you have ever felt? And why does the American church shut out anything that has the potential to hurt someone when pain and sorrow sometime strengthens us better than protection and isolation? And how could I be so dumb to see being a Christian as a person who was constantly struggling against sin when we have already concured(sp?) sin through Jesus? And why the heck have I never understood that the reason we are called Christians is because we are to follow Jesus aka. CHRIST only and not church leaders and peers? (not saying there is a time and a place to follow good Godly leaders. Like Joel said Saturday night, there is a time we need the examples and to want to be just like another person. But like Nancy Black said, it is all part of growing up to pull away from each of those head figures in our lives and learn how to live our lives as us.) And...yeah... so these are thoughts that have been flying through my head and then like I realized that a lot of these things all come down to one thing: What Would Jesus Do? (sorry for the cliches but it works :/ :) How would Jesus live this part of my life? How would Jesus respond to this? But these types of questions lead to more questions like. How do we know what Jesus would do? And my pastor/youth leader/parents/friends/whoever says that Jesus would do it this way but I don't see that in the Bible and I wonder if that is true? Then I realized WOOOOOH!! that is my problem. All those things don't really matter what matters is the heart. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus and you are living endrenched in his word and prayer, then he will teach you about those things. Live life as a river if you just let the river (Jesus) just guide you even in the rough times, you will be fine, but if you try to avoid the hard times or go back or take side trips things will take a lot longer and could become more difficult. This is going to be really long to I am going to cut it in to pieces. This is the first part. :D