How can we be so blind!!!
How can we ignore the problems in the world?
We are so focused on perfection in our lives and living sinless lives here in the USA where we are safe and yet we ignore the true sin and hell that is going on in Africa and all over the world.
I am now watching a movie called Invisible Children http://www.invisiblechildren.com it is about the children in Uganda and other neighboring countries in Africa who are forced to become soldiers at the ages of 5 - 12. They are torchered not only physically but mentally and emotionally. They live their lives in constant fear. Hiding from the rebels and the government and anyone else who may bring more suffering to their already torn apart lives. This goes on all over the world and we sit in our nice homes, offices, churches, buildings talking about how we can take the gosple to the lost, but is what is the gosple? It is the good news! Who needs the good news more than these children? And since when has talking about strategies to reach the world worked! It takes doing it! Loving those who need to be loved. Being there for the hurting and broken. Stop talking!!! And get off your lazy buts America! Do something about it!! "Those who are given much are required much!" Or don't we listen to the Bible anymore?

Read the one before this first. :D


Through this time I began to pull back from the church and people cause that is what I do when I am contiplating something new in my life. When I am learning something new, I am not a normal girl. I need my space to think it through before I talk about it or it just sounds wrong and I can't express it well. So I began to pull back from everyone but Jennifer and so the whole church thinks I am going crazy and losing my faith and junk, and then suddenly this new kid appears in church named Gabriel. Well... according to his myspace he has a girlfriend and he is 17 years old. Sounds safe enough to try to be friends with a guy. So I started hanging out with him a lot and myspacing him and emailing him and come to find out this guy is really cool and fun to hang out with and stuph. Well... we are friends for awhile and surprise his myspace lied!!! His girlfriend and him had broke up like a couple months before I met him! And uh oh I liked him a lot!! But this later fact I ignored and decide ok well... maybe we will date and I can practice dating and see what its like and stuff. So we started in a relationship I will call either special friendship (Adam's) or friends with bennefits (Jennifer's and Jon's) cause at this time I was a part of internship where we won't supposed to date. Well... after awhile of this Gabe said don't you think we should talk to your parents. I was like ummm...no thats ok. But he insisted and so I agreed. But I also told him I was not ready to be commited to someone completely cause I was scared of that word, but he still wanted to go ahead with talking to my parents. Soooo... I decided I needed to talk to my mom first. We had talked a couple weeks before and I was like no I don't like him enough to get into a relationship, but after this talk she understood what was going on spiritually in my life and it helped her calm down (which seems to happen every time I talk to someone), but now I thought it would be good for us to talk again before he asked them to be in a relationship with me. I am not sure why but I thought it would smooth things over, but somehow it worked. Though my parents did not give us permission to date they really liked Gabe ( they didn't really know him before) So we continued as 'special friends' and the thought that in two months we would be official or whatever you want to call it.
But a couple weeks later (I must have drank to much coffee or something emotionally snapped in my head.) I was babysitting and I just had this extream fear bombard(sp?)me that Gabe was going to leave me and not really want me and junk like that. I really need to talk to someone, but Jennifer's phone was broken and Claudia was at a movie and I couldn't think of anyone elso but Gabriel. So reluctantly I text him to see where he was. He answered (of course he wonderful about that :) But when I didn't answer that, he call but I didn't answer his call either (yea I know the stereotipical girl response that I hate but hey sorry I was an emotional mess.) So he texted me and called me again and finally I answered. I told him something was wrong, but didn't want to talk about it over the phone. So we decide to meet after I finished babysitting.
We went to the prayerroom and I told him all my feelings of abandonment and that it was nothing he did cause it was all inside my head. And I cried a lot. (I hate crying in front of anyone and usually hold it in until I am alone.) But then after awhile of emotional time :/ I told Gabe I was ready to commit to him and I was tried of this 'special friends' thing. So we were already planning to get together with my parents that Saturday so we decided to tell them we couldn't honestly wait anymore. That went amazingly well and they were like ok well we want to talk to Gabriel's parents first and ask him a bit more questions. Then the next day Mike called my mom and they talked for a long time and he told her some of his concerns. Then my parents called Gabe's parents that night and asked them a lot of questions some concerning Mike's questions and concerns. And the next week my mom and I went out to coffee and though she still had some questions for Gabe she said after they quizzed him that night they would tell him we could enter into a relationship. I went away from that conversation walking on clouds and the happiest girl alive. And since then it has been a dream.
There is a lot I need to learn about relationship and junk but God is teaching me so much about his character through this relationship and about myself. He is showing me what it means to love and be loved. He is teaching me more and more about faith in people and him. He has given me a joy and happiness that I have never felt before ever!! (or al least that I can remember) He has given me this peace that no matter what happens he will take care of it and guide us through.
So that is Marie's life in nutshell from the last nine months to a year. I am so thankful to God for everything he is doing in my life and for friends like Jennifer and Jacque. And for my parents who are there to support us yet still ask the hard questions. Wow...that sounded like an acknowledgement thingy from a cd. :/

Wow...

I was reading my journal yesterday during work and stuff cause... yeah.... I was kind of bored :P
And I was writing a 'my life in the last year' thingy in my journal ( which I didn't finish :/ ) but anywho...
A lot has happened in the last year! :O Like a lot. a lot *nods*
Like I haven't been out of the country since November. :O yeah...I know not normal for Marie! But the funny thing is I am ok with that at this point of my life... yeah... weird....

Another thing is I have been going through this time of questioning my convictions and even like my world veiw and stuff. Which is to say: I am wondering if everything I have believed is reallly someone else's belief and now I need to reexamen my life and change some stuff... and yeah stuff like is everything that I thought the church is really what she is suposssed to be? And yes our actions show where our heart is but which actions are a bad show and who decides that? And what if certain actions make some think you are falling away and others think you are drawing closer and you feel closer to God than you have ever felt? And why does the American church shut out anything that has the potential to hurt someone when pain and sorrow sometime strengthens us better than protection and isolation? And how could I be so dumb to see being a Christian as a person who was constantly struggling against sin when we have already concured(sp?) sin through Jesus? And why the heck have I never understood that the reason we are called Christians is because we are to follow Jesus aka. CHRIST only and not church leaders and peers? (not saying there is a time and a place to follow good Godly leaders. Like Joel said Saturday night, there is a time we need the examples and to want to be just like another person. But like Nancy Black said, it is all part of growing up to pull away from each of those head figures in our lives and learn how to live our lives as us.) And...yeah... so these are thoughts that have been flying through my head and then like I realized that a lot of these things all come down to one thing: What Would Jesus Do? (sorry for the cliches but it works :/ :) How would Jesus live this part of my life? How would Jesus respond to this? But these types of questions lead to more questions like. How do we know what Jesus would do? And my pastor/youth leader/parents/friends/whoever says that Jesus would do it this way but I don't see that in the Bible and I wonder if that is true? Then I realized WOOOOOH!! that is my problem. All those things don't really matter what matters is the heart. If your eyes are fixed on Jesus and you are living endrenched in his word and prayer, then he will teach you about those things. Live life as a river if you just let the river (Jesus) just guide you even in the rough times, you will be fine, but if you try to avoid the hard times or go back or take side trips things will take a lot longer and could become more difficult. This is going to be really long to I am going to cut it in to pieces. This is the first part. :D

Life, Love, AND, Faith

Amaze me!
I dare you!

I have said it before --
maybe I will say it again?
maybe not.

Life--
Love... they go together...
But missing...
What?

Faith... trust... Confidence...
WOW!
Hard stuff...
But...
important.

Ha ha... it worked
understand?
Of course not....

Another thing written in a class this semester but I am not sure when.

Life...
Augh!

Friends...
Huh?

Family...
Oh my.

God...
Help!

Life...
Good Bye

HAahaahaa
take it all with laughter, or tears will flow, if not then desperation and hopelessness, but laughter will hide the pain unfortunately not remove it. Ah life why is your sting worst than death's?

I wrote this in class in January.

Hatred - ugly - over this.
Anger
...done...finish...over...never...forever.
Make me see
Reveal the truth
Maybe...
I will believe
...maybe

Hurt - why? - free when?
Not by you!
You...
Nothing! Gone!
Annoyed...frustration...
Love - beauty - the same.
*sigh*



And yet another :D

Touch me, please
Hold me tight.
Never let go.

Sadness...
to close...
BUT
so nice...
Sadness...

Back away.
Just a little
It may return.

You guessed it another in class emotion explosion on paper.

Love? Friends, Please! Fear.... Commitment... terror. Why?
Can't! Won't! Anguish....
Short not long... play... flirt... test....
One month... two months... six months... a year -- stop!
no longer! not yet... please
Oh death... oh pain.... forever

Friends ... we've become.
Friends ... let us stay


So this is another class thingy from a few months ago.

This is a poem from the book called a Beautiful Mess about the Kingdom of God that I am reading. It is absolutely amazing!

When my brothers were too young be wise

When my brothers were too young to be wise

but too old to name things creatively,

they invented a game called:

Let's take turns jumping off Tom's roof

and throw the cat after the person who jumped

At least they took turns...

Later, when my brother were too young to be wise

but old enough to put their scientific knowledge to use,

they played a game called:

Let's pour gas over this giant pile weeds

and then light it on fire.

At least the doctor said

that their eyebrows will grow back...

Later, when my brother was old enough to be depressed

but too young to know how to cope,

he would play a game called:

Let's go to Tom's house and do a lot of drugs

and drink all his step-dad's beer.

At least there was that one English teacher

who asked if something was wrong...

but what could you say?

We are so poorly equipped to deal with these troubles,

and there are so few doctors of soul these days...

What is there to do?

I know some people who fight it all their lives,

kicking against the goads till they bleed to death.

Others, like Dad, ignore it,

thinking that hard work, sunshine, and

the passing of time will resolve it.

Still others, like Mom, ostracize and cast blame

by leaving condemnatory evangelical polemics taped

to your bathroom mirror.

But now my brothers and I old enough

to begin to be wise,

yet still young enough to climb the cold roof

to talk and to smoke.

So I will play a new game with you called:

Let's go together and bear one another's burdens.

At least I will not laugh at your pain,

I will not try to fix your problems,

I will not ignore your suffering

or condemn you with my piety...

I will simply lie here next to you in the cold

while we breathe our smoky prayer to God.

~Raeben Nolan

This is a poem from a book I am reading for twentysomethings.
It is by an unknown author.

Wait

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say, wait!" my indignant repy.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By Faith, I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

My future and all to which i can relate
Hangs in the balance, and YOU tell me to WAIT?
I 'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I am weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."

So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God,"So, I'm waiting...for what?"

He seemed , then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead,a nd cause mountains to run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--But, you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;

You 'd not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.
You'd never xperience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit decends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save ... (for a start),
But you'd know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when I walk without sight ,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

You'd never know, should pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for Thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved one overnight would come true,
But, Oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, 'WAIT."

So I have been thinking about my generation a lot. And how we are different from previous generations and how is the best way to influence this generation. So I thought you know this generation is a transitional generation. We are right between when there was no technology and now it is all over the place. Because of this we have a different look on life then previous generations just like every new generation. We see everything with skepticism and distrust. We ache for friendship, but even friendships are made with caution, and we always leave a way out.
Life doesn't really mean anything to us. We go through life with the attitude "What ever happens, happens. We expect to get hurt so we put up walls and look out for number one all the while trying to have fun. We have observed how other generations have searched for meaning, and we watched them fail. We know that pleasure, work, family, religion, politics, friends, and everything else previous generations have depended on doesn't work. Our philosophy is if we live life protecting ourselves and having fun we won't get hurt to badly, and we will have fun along the way.
We despise anything or anyone who says they have the answers because we are not looking for 'the answers'. We are looking for truth. Something we can put our faith in that won't prove to be a lie like everything else. Something that is our not our parent's, or even our older brothers and sisters, or our pastor's/youth pastor's but ours. We aren't willing to just take what others tell us is true. We need to discover it for ourselves.
Yes, I believe there is a revolution/revival coming because we are ready, but it won't be like anything the church has ever seen. This is a new generation so we need a new wine skin. We won't be able to use the technics from the Jesus Movement or the Great Awakening or any other revival in history. I am not sure what this will look like or when we will discover it, but it will fit tis generation and its need.
Don't be blind to the pains of this genereation. It needs a comforting, gentle, personal gosple that is not afraid of telling the truth or has the appearance of obligation. The Good News need to have life. True life flowing out of it not just rules or the appearance of perfection. This generation needs to see people like them who hurt, cry, hate, desire death, want freedom, are confused, MUST I GO ON? This generation isn't looking for perfection. They are looking for reallity, and through being real with our problem and struggles we can show the world that there is hope and relief. We must tell the world the truth. Freedom doesn't come without a price like so many Christians claim. True salvation cost everything!
So to reach this generation, we need to stop caring so much about reaching them, and start caring for them as people who hurt, who bleed, who are searching, who want friends, true friend who don't hide behind masks. It is by living like Jesus with love and acceptance of each individual, and showing them that you care about what is going on deeper than the surface appearence. Showing them that you are going to love them no matter what they do or say.
Jesus didn't hide anything. He didn't use little booklets or cute phrases. He was just himself. He said strong, convicting things not out of obligation but because he loved them. He hung out with people not to get a convert but because he was having fun. He didn't hang out with the 'religious people'. He hung out with the messed up, hurting, poor, loud, obnoxious, selfish people. He was patient and understanding towards everyone except the religious leaders. Those who found their identity in how good they were. Those who were blind to their own mistakes.
So what does this have to do with this generation, our generation? I am not completely sure, Maybe just that we need to get rid of the idea that Christians have to always end up perfect. The idea that inorder to reach the world we have to be drastically different. To be honest, I think in order to reach our generation, we have to be ourselves in whatever that means. We can't live trying to please others, Christians or non-Christians because people see through that. Live as Jesus would have YOU live not your best friend, not your mom, not your dad, not your pastor/youth leader, YOU! Study the Bible on your own. Discover your own truths because only then can you truly live. And only when you are truly living can you show life to our generation.
So these are just a few of the thoughts that have been racing, then sitting, then slowly meandering through my mind. There are many more but they haven't found there way on to paper yet. :)

Want My Body?
Dedicated to all the guys who stare at girls

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With these beautiful lips
With these beautiful hips
Am I the kind of girl that you play?
Am I the kind of girl that you get your way?

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With these beautiful eyes
With these beautiful thighs
You thinkin I'm an easy catch
I got news for you, you ain't no match

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful chin
With this beautiful skin
Thinkin all ya need is just one kiss
But in reallity I think you'll miss

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful booty
With these beautiful boobies
If thats all ya see that all ya get
Don't ask for more cause you won't be touchin it.

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful style
With this beautiful smile
You think its a privledge just for you
Look past the eyes, I'm mockin, its true

You look at me,
What do ya see?
With this beautiful hair
Thinkin I must beautiful when I'm bare
Just keep dreamin my little friends
Cause men like you, their fantazy never ends.

Another thing from a friend and I don't think he speaks perfect English so excuse the grammar and spelling.
I tried to fix some of it but I really didn't fix it all.
Read it gently trying to gain some truths for life.

Desiderata - by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all people.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their own story.
Avoid the loud and aggressive person, they are a vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for there will always be greater and lesser people than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Stay interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery, but let this not blind you to what virtue there is. Many people strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.
Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.
Whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
(Max Ehrmann)

How do you measure sucess or failure?

Life is full of times to succeed and times to fail, but how you look at them will determine who you are in your eyes and the world's eyes (if that really matters.) If you see one time of failure as defining you as a failure then you will never succeed, but if you see those isolated times of failure as times to grow then you will never be a failure.

Wow another year has come and gone.
I don't know about you but every year the next one comes faster than the last maybe it has something to do with getting older.
This year has been an amazing and puzzling, beautiful and tainted, enlightening and confusing, full of discoveries and new ideas and returning to the basics.
I feel like I am on the verge of discovering something about me and who I am that I never realized before. I have been pushed out of my comfort zone (again) and forced to ask questions that a couple years ago I would have never considered asking. I know in the end this will strengthen who I am as a person and as a Christian, but right now it feels like I am running through a maze with no way out.
I am beginning to see a different side to the world. I took a class this year on Comparative Religions which made me look at the other religions of the world. It made me ask questions, but then strengthened my faith through my questioning.
God has been opening doors to new relationships whether from people at work to people I met on the bus while doing surveys. He is really pushing me out of being an extream introvert to trying new relationships and social activities.
He has strengthened my love and heart for Saint-Germain-en-Laye. He has really made it a place I... I am not sure how to express it, but the best way I can put it into words is that it is like being in love. I think and pray for SGEL constantly. I can't get it off my mind. I love talking about it. Seeing pictures almost make me cry. I can't think of it without smiling and getting excited. God is amazing!
His word is becoming more and more a part of my daily need and not something I am supposed to read. He has been showing me the importance of spending time set aside for just being in His presence. Six of us made a vow this year for 70 days to do 70 mins a day to spend in God's presence. There have been days were the time goes really slow and its hard to focus but there are also those times when God really meets me and 70 minutes is not longer enough time.
Like I said before its been a contrasting year. Nothing seems to be staying the same. Everything is changing and it has to or else life would get stagnent.

A friend said this and I thought it was profound so I want to share it with all of you wonderful people.


If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ... then it's not love.. it's - Infatuation . . . If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ... then it's not love.. it's - compromise . . . If you love some one because you think that you cannot live with out his touch .... then it's not love .. it's - lust . . . If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ... then it's not love.. it's - inferiority complex . . . If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings .. then it's not love .. it's - charity . . . If you love some one because you share every thing with him ... then it's not love.. it's - friendship . . . but if you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him .. that's - LOVE . . . if you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets.. that's - LOVE . . . If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to.. that's - LOVE .

What to write? I have so many thoughts that I can't get them to come out of my mouth, but a pen or typing can create a much easier way of expressing my views. Also the more I write my thoughts the easier it is to speak them.

I want to write about love. I am reading a book called The Art of Loving by Erich From who is a psycho analysist about love (obviously!) But he hits on everything perfectly. He says love is an art. He talks about how one would learn an art and then relates that to love. He says in order to learn how to love one must learn the theory of love first. Fromm says there are five different kinds of love. He says that each one has its own unique way of showing love and in order to understand love one must understand each of these.
The first type of love Fromm talks about is brotherly love. This is loving mankind. He says in order to love with brotherly love you cannot love only one person but all people. If you say you love one person than you must love all the rest as well. The second kind of love is motherly love. Just as in brotherly love you cannot only love one child, but when loving with motherly love you must love all the children equally. Motherly love is unconditional which means it is supposed to love through everything. It is supposed to love enough that it is willing to let go. People don’t have to gain motherly love. It is given freely. The third love is erotic love. I know erotic sounds bad, but Fromm uses it to say romantic or sensual love. Fromm shows that most people are looking for this kind of love, but in the wrong way. This is the first love that is focused only on one person and not the whole of humanity. This one was a little confusing. Though this includes physical intimacy, that is not the only way of showing this type of love. Fromm also says that mental attraction does not reveal true love either. He says because physical attraction and personality connection can fade eventually you must will yourself to keep that love alive. Most people experience a emotional connection with strangers because they are new and exciting, but as the relationship progresses the novelty fades, and the relationship can become stagnant and even boring. This is the reason that so many relationships today are so short lived. People expect the immediate attraction and feeling to last forever even in difficult times, but this is just lying to yourself because feelings come and go. The fourth love that Fromm talks about is self love, not selfishness, but a respect and care towards yourself. Fromm says in order to love others, you must have a healthy love for who you are as well. He says that by loving others but not yourself is the just a different kind of selfishness. By loving yourself, you allow others to love you too while if you did not love yourself then it is almost as if you refuse to allow others to love you as well. Fromm shows this through an example of a mother who says she is unselfish and never thinks of herself, but at the same time does not love herself. He says that a mother that does not love herself is just as bad as a mother who is selfish because self love and selfishness are opposites. The fifth and last love he talks about is God’s love. He goes into deep discussion of how God has evolved over the centuries to get to the place he is now. He went through a time, according to Fromm , that he took the form of animals and nature then he had the characteristics of a mother then a father, and now as the world grows older god will become part of us. Though I don’t believe this he say that we will reach a point where we do not need to speak of god or even name his name because we have progressed far enough not to need to. All of these according to Fromm, we need to put into our lives so that we can find true love and become truly mature, full of self-knowledge, and courageous.
When learning an art you must also put it into practice. The same is true with love. But how do you put it into practice? This must be done through discipling, patience, and concentration according to Fromm. Everything Fromm said was very insightful and interesting, and though I did not agree with everything he said in the God’s love part, I believed he hit on some very important points about love that people today do not see or do not want to see. I think if people today began to look at love the way Erich Fromm looked at it there would be a lot less divorces and short term relationships today.

A Memory of Marah


Pretty words, pretty smile
Wishes, wonders, and heart beats

Can it be?

To be trustworthy forever is promised
Belief in words that are hidden

Can it be?

Trying to trust with all the heart
Questions and conscience slowly arise

Can it be?

Doubts surface and revealed is truth
Pain and wishes to return to before.

Can it be?

Hurt, it overwhelms with disgust
"Never again," I cry as I often have

Can it be?

Gentle is the Lord's rebuke over me
Over and under He spreads his wings

Can it be?

In Him, I will find true love
He will lead me faithfully forever.

Can it be?

To Him I will give my whole love
For in Him I can trust forever.

Yes is can be!

Secrets

Dear me, what to think? What to say?

Life is nothing more than an open book.

What will I write?

Will anyone read it?
Oh, the beauty of words!

They express beauty and pain

They are more than scratches of letters on a page.
True words!
Words of life!

The soul speaks but subtlety
Hide, hide away deeply
No one will read it!
But to live if no one read?
Hidden words
Lying words

You will never know
Truth or lies?
Will you read me?
With gentleness?
Ah no, ussually not!

You will hurt me
Not understand me
Not want to understand
Why?!

I give up!
Please be gentle
I will open my book
I will let you read

I have closed you out long enough

Please , come close
Accept my words
Accept me!

My question of the month/year is: is life worth living without dieing?
Can we truly live if we have not already died? As Angela put it.
So in Lit class we have read the Odyssey and Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and Pere Gorio(sp). My first paper I wrote on the Odyssey was about virtues of the time period of the Odyssey which I discovered was power/courage, love, and deception. I thought, "Wow those are weird virtues." But then we read Sir Gawain and the Green Knight and low and behold I discovered the same underlining virtues. Then in Pere Gorio yup you guessed it I also dicovered that these virtues stood strong. I was very confused and began to wonder if it was the same today. I began to look at people in the world around me to see if they too treasured love, power, and deception as much as we did in the past, and sure enough we do. Though we say we hate people who only want power or people who deceive we still praise them as a society. But then I began to realize these aren't really the center virtues. There is one much larger vitue that we live for and that is self preservation.
I will just leave you with that thought.